Kids!

For as long as we've been in Japan I've wanted to write a blog about the train system here. How reliable, fast, and efficient it is. But every time I start to write that post it changes into something else. This is another one of those times.

Another point I wanted to mention about the train system is the infamous chikan incidents. As clean and convenient as the train system is, it does have it's dark underbelly of groping incidents. We were warned before coming here that you should always be alert on crowded trains as some people will use the proximity as an excuse to feel you up.

In fact the molestation incidents became such a concern, that 6 months before we arrived Osaka instituted a system where one car is reserved for women only between 5 and 9, am and pm, on weekdays. Tokyo also instituted a similar system. It did serve to bring awareness to the problem and curb groping incidents. It also created an entire sub-system of blackmail and train clubs, but that is another post.

One place where you're not segregated of course is the train platform. And during our first week in Japan I was standing talking to Carl when I suddenly stopped mid-sentence,

"I think someone just grabbed my butt!"

I turned around and looked for the culprit who had reached under my coat for a feel and met the grinning eyes of child walking down the platform with his mother.

"I think that 6 year old just groped me!"

"What do you mean?"

"I think that kid just reached under my coat and rubbed my butt. Look at that shite eating grin!"

"He can't be more than 6. ... Do you want me to go beat him up?"

We decided that there wasn't much we could do get revenge on the extremely pleased with himself child and continued wandering around the then overwhelming malls of Osaka. At the time I would have written about how that child was part of the larger system of objectification of women and how he would have grown up to be part of the reason that a segregated train system had to be created. And that may be true, but now I think the truth is a little bit simpler.

Kids like butts.

Shocking I know. An earth-shattering revelation of epic proportions. But the evidence is overwhelming. The way any fart or half-assed (groan) fart joke can reduce a child (or Carl) to a giggling heap. The preoccupation with bodily functions. But here in Japan that preoccupation is never kept behind closed doors. One of the most popular kids shows is about a child who will moon anyone at any given time. This gives the scant encouragement some kids need to recreate those antics themselves. And of course here in Asia, there is the infamous kancho.

Not that Carl and I ever experienced it as we were some of the very few teachers here not to be trained for kids lessons. But our friends described how they would do it to their teachers when they were in school. It's just so shocking to Western sensibilities on so many levels; the fact that it's commonplace to try to ram your fingers up your teacher's bum. Pages and pages of virtual Internet ink have been spilled on the subject, which I shall not add to, you can look it up yourself.

This obsession with bums doesn't stop in the classroom, as has been demonstrated. It also doesn't stop with people you know. Apart from the train incident I also had to play bum keep-away with a group of strange children at Disneyland. While waiting in line for the Toy Story ride just before the park closed for the night, a group of young children standing behind us, hyped on cotton candy and cola, were suddenly entranced with my ass for some reason. They started jockeying for position to try and get behind me to take turn rubbing my ass as I manoeuvred in front of Carl while trying to stay in line.

As Disneyland closed down for the night around us, the little dramatic chase seemed to concern no one but those involved. The parents were dead on their feet and just seemed happy that the kids were occupied in something non-destructive. Carl was happy to provide cover but seemed unconcerned as they didn't want his foreign hide as a trophy. The kids thought it was great fun and I was left to ponder the complexities of sexual harassment lawsuits against minors. But then my next thought was, it's Japan, this is normal. I just have to stay concerned with covering my own ass. And maybe that was the time I realized it was time to come home. When strange children grabbing your ass is normal, maybe it's time to reconsider what normal is.